BX Monsters A to Z: Golem

 The word "golem" in D&D seems to be almost a catch-all for any sort of enchanted automaton. (Though there are exceptions, such as gargoyles and living statues, though why they are exceptions there is not even the barest attempt to explain... but I digress.) Monsters and Manuals had an excellent post arguing that the catch-all concept of golems is overly broad, if not straight-up incorrect, and I concur: it dilutes what it really means for something to be a golem, and destroys a lot of the flavor of the thing. A golem, according to noisms, must be humanoid in form, it must be made of "raw material" (no finished or worked material such as stained glass or steel, nor anything that's ever been alive such as wood), and it must be unfinished, implying a degree of roughness or crudeness in form, e.g. it hasn't been completed as a statue or other work of art or technology before being animated as an automaton. I like these criteria tremendously, and they definitively disqualify each and every "golem" listed in the Expert Rules from proper golemhood. Nonetheless, this has all been a bit of a digression (though an interesting one, I think) from my purpose of commenting on the monsters on their own merits. So, without further ado, the B/X "golems"...

Per the rules, the B/X golems are powerful monsters enchanted by a high-level magic-user or cleric, and can be made of almost any material. A note is included that the DM may create other types, with any powers desired, which just reinforces the trope of "golem" as quite an arbitrary term. 

Golems can only be harmed by magical weapons, and are immune to sleep, charm, and hold spells, plus all gases. I found it odd that "gases" should be mentioned specifically, but not poisons generally, but I would presume they are immune to injected or contact toxins as well as inhaled. All golems listed have Morale of 12, and thus will always fight to the death, and Treasure Type "Nil," so it's rarely worth fighting them. All are also encountered singly. Beyond that, they are quite a disparate lot, so I'll deal with each type separately below.

Wood golems are described as being roughly hewn and stiff of movement, making them the most golem-ish of the listed types. They're also, inexplicably, a rather puny three feet tall. They have an initiative penalty of -1 and are vulnerable to fire. The listed AC 7 seems pretty soft for wood, especially considering these half-pints are dishing out d8 damage with each attack! At 2+2 HD, they're not terribly tough for Expert-level parties, though their weapon immunity might pose a challenge for a Basic squad who can't simply dispatch it with brute force. 

Bone golems are man-sized figures made of the bones of dead men bound together, with multiple arms (presumably four, given that the creature wields either four one-handed weapons or two polearms). So, essentially, they look like four-armed skeletons, and could easily be mistaken for undead. It's an oddly specific form: why does every high-level spell-caster choose to build them with four arms? Why not two, or five, or eight? Its 8 Hit Dice seem like a lot, but I can kind of get on board with that as in keeping with its magical nature. I have a harder time with its AC: where skeletons, made of the exact same material, have AC 7, bone golems inexplicably have AC 2. Regardless of how many weapons a particular bone golem wields, it may attack two targets per round, and does normal weapon damage. They are immune to fire, cold, and electrical attacks, which feels quite arbitrary, as if its designer just wanted it to give players a tougher challenge but had no thought for any in-fiction explanation.

Amber golems are perhaps the least golemy of the B/X golems, taking the shape of great cats such as lions or tigers. Their AC of 6 is rather soft, especially considering that amber is a type of stone, but 10 Hit Dice makes for a pretty robust monster. Their damage is monstrous at 2-12/2-12/2-20. It's noted that they are faultless trackers and can detect invisible creatures within 60', both of which imply that they are probably created specifically for the purpose of hunting down whatever quarry their creators wanted hunted down. They also have a formidable movement rate of 180' (60'). I can imagine them being used as guardians of valuable items, which will relentlessly stalk any thief who successfully makes off with said item in order to return it to its rightful place. 

Bronze golems are giant-size, with blood of liquid fire beneath their skin of bronze. Why bronze should be AC 0 I have no idea. At a whopping 20 Hit Dice, they're going to be a nightmare for all but the strongest parties. On top of that their attacks deal 3-30 points of damage each, plus an additional 1-10 from the scorching heat to anyone not immune to fire, though at least it's only a single attack per round. Anyone successfully striking the creature with an edged weapon must also save vs. death ray or take 2-12 damage from the fiery blood spurting from the wound. Bronze golems are noted to be unaffected by fire-based attacks, which is at least in keeping with their nature. They're also ridiculously fast at 240' (80'); perhaps this was meant to represent its sheer size and stride length, but given that flesh-and-blood giants are quite a bit slower and more ponderous, it's pretty incongruous for a big metal man. A bronze golem would make a formidable guardian, but I tend to imagine them more as foundry servants, using their great size and strength and their fire immunity to forge massive metal works for their masters. 

The B/X "golems" are mostly fine in concept, but lumping them together under that heading seems like bad form to me. Giving them each their own separate entries under names like "Amber Guardian" and "Foundry Automaton" would make more sense. The only one I strongly dislike is the Bone Golem; its stats and abilities make no sense at all, and it needs a thorough overhaul if it's to have any place in my games.

What I'd really liked to have seen is some actual golems, made of materials like stone, sand, or clay, perhaps in a few different sizes. AC would vary by material, HD and damage would vary by size. They'd be immune to sleep, charm, and hold magic, plus all poisons and anything else affecting life processes such as respiration and metabolism (which golems don't have), e.g. drowning, suffocation, starvation, dehydration, and the like. They'd be resistant to magical fire, cold, and lightning, taking half damage, save for one quarter, immune to all normal forms of those things. Those made of stone would take minimum damage from edged and piercing weapons, but would be slower and more ponderous than those made of soil or clay.